Journals from Grace Marks

Grace Marks
January 5th, 1854
     It was an obscure day as usual. I have been in Asylum for 29 years. During the 29 years, I could hardly forget the murder of Mr. Kinnear and Nancy. However,  could not remember what I had done? or what had McDommt done? In addition to these, it was nice of the Governor's wife to keep me as her servant.
     As always, there were many guests come to visit the house of the Governor's wife. Most of them were doctors and nobilities. The different was, her two daughters came too. They watched me vigilantly as I were a tiger; and jealousy, since everyone said I was handsome and pretty, much prettier than the pictures of mine on her scrap book.
     Today was a regular day. I got used to suffer from my bitter memory and endure people's scornful eye sights.

August 6th, 1854
     They released me from the Asylum. The advent of the next doctor totally scared me. I wished he was not the one who cut off McDermott. Oh, here he was, he looked charming, polite and handsome. He was smiling at me. His name was Dr. Jordan. Would he trust me or not? When he took out his notes book, I was totally relaxed. He  gave me an apple, did this help to recall your lost memory? He asked. Was he laughing at me? I thought we could be friends in the future days. He didn't seem to threaten me.
      We finished our conversation for today. I felt released. I got closed to him. At least, I knew, I would not have the same fortune as McDermott. Or, was it a trick?

May 7th, 1855
      Dr. Jordan and I have been meeting for almost one month since yesterday. He didn't come today, I felt like missing him. I couldn't help thinking, he was much better than McDermott. I wanted to share more about my experience. I felt relaxed being with him. Rather than his kindness towards me, I confessed that I fell in love with him.
      Tonight, I lie on my bed. I thought I saw the illusions of Mary Whitney and Nancy Montgomery. They wanted to talk to me, especially Nancy. I was scared and curious. I was still confused: were they real? or was I dreaming? I wished they both lived, so that I would not suffered from my guilty.
     

April 6th, 1855
     Dr. Jordan said, he was going to take me to his spiritualist group. I was trembling. I always dreamed about it: they were trying to cut my head off, in order to investigate what was in my head. Although legal treatment would not be as cruel as the Asylum did. Mr. DuPont, the main doctor, who glared at me seriously, as if I were a lion suffering from hunger. "Hypnosis was as safe as eating", said Mr. DuPont.
      I awoke. I was still sitting on my chair. They asked me, whether I remembered what I had done. I had no idea. They all seemed shocked, even angry.
      "Were you pretending", asked Dr. DuPont. " I was sleeping, and you woke me up." I replied.
       I didn't know what they were talking about, or what I had done during my hypnosis. However, have I been proved innocent or not?

October 9th, 1895
       I was knitting a sweater. The Governor's wife rushed into my room without knocking the door, the man behind her is Jaime Walsh. he told me excitedly, guess what, you were going to marry to Jaime Walsh, and you two were going to move to Los Angeles.
       As I was in shocking, Jaime Walsh stride towards me, he said he was sorry for not proving my innocence on the court. He begged me to forgive him, and e would have a brand new start in Los Angeles.  I accepted it, at least everything was over, and I was not going to see Dr. Jordan again.
       We had our new house there. It was big, as gorgeous as Mr. Kinnear's. "This was your new house", said Jaime Walsh.
       All my suspicions suddenly eliminated. I will not suffer from scorn and discrimination, even the shame of murder.